Bell's Palsy. Fuck off.

I need to get in the habit of writing this blog regularly!  I've slacked off over the last few months but with good reason.  I've adjusted to working full time (yes, I still truly love it), I've found some birth relatives, I've dealt with my oldest son and his issues (that are pretty severe), I've started Christmas shopping, we went on vacation and oh yeah I now have Bell's Palsy.  See?  Good reason.

Where do I even start?  I guess with happy news like I found my great uncle through Ancestry DNA and he is an amazing person.  I was able to find my paternal grandfather and that entire side of my family.  My grandfather is not open to a relationship but everyone else is and I'm so happy that they are.  Hopefully we can arrange an in person meeting some time soon.

My oldest son is 14 and giving me a real run for my money.  I think he is trying to give me wrinkles and grey hair.  He has inherited some mental health issues from both his father and myself and they have reared their ugly head.  He is smoking a lot of pot, disappearing for days at a time, stealing, making threatening rap videos and glamorizing gang life.  It's been stressful to say the least.  I just want him to be ok and avoid going down a dangerous path.  My heart breaks with every call I get with more bad news about my son.  This is harder than I ever imagined it would be.  I'm going to fight for him though, as long as I'm breathing I'll be fighting for him.

Bell's Palsy.  Fuck off.  It's freaking miserable.  I know it could be a lot worse.  It's temporary (most of the time) and is not life threatening.  But your face is half frozen, it's extremely painful, your hearing is impaired and extremely sensitive, your tear ducts don't work, your tongue is half numb, your eating and talking is affected.  You can't even brush your teeth normally.  It's depressing and obnoxious.  I'm a fighter though and I'm fighting through it.  I'm on day 40 and I have made a ton of improvement.  My face and tongue are no longer numb and muscles are trying to move on the affected side of my face.  I'm doing my best to stay positive but my face looking all weird has definitely contributed to my depression lately.  Troy has been extremely supportive through all of this insanity and I am so thankful for that.

So yeah, that's the gist of life right now.  I'm fighting through all the stress and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job of it.  Most importantly I'm staying on top of my own mental health.  I've made a point to try and take care of myself through all of this craziness and I definitely see a difference in how I've been able to handle everything.

Remember: Self care is IMPORTANT